Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Its personal

i've been thinking of writing this for over a month now,even before i started my blog. Initially i thought of writing a letter,then an e-mail but nothing actually took off but the thought kept on doing rounds of my mind because i was hurt. I was hurt deep down my heart by someone really really close to me. N when i say really close to me,its only few people who know whom i so close to.

For all one month,i kept on waiting for the process of heeling to start but never saw it coming. For the second time in my life i was so intensely hurt that i cuold feel the pain for this long. Both times,by the same person.

However at the time of first incident,i was not mature enough to understand the impact on my life. Three four years down the line,whenever i think of it, i can still feel the scars it left on me.

let bygones be bygones. Live in present.

Today i'll talk only about the latest incident. And as i dont wanna disclose the identity of the person in question,lets keep the name Mr. X.

I dont get to spend much time with mr X nowadays as he doesnt lives in the city anymore. Shifted to another city for job n all,the same old story. Recently Mr X was in town n i happened to get some time to spend with him.It was a brief visitn purpose of the visit was not to meet me but to attend a function.Three days arent much but not that less if you happen to live in the same home[atleast for me its home,dont know abt him anymore]. He was behaving strange,wierd,rude and to be precise mean.

But this behaviour was highly restricted to family or may be just my perception,i dont know.

I felt angry for caring towards him so much, i felt angry that i kept all my time free so that i can spend time with withoght thinking that he might not have time for me.[ N please i dont wanna hear the lectures on " he was busy"] 

I have been observing the aloofness for a long time but this was my first hand experience of the same. N let me tell you,it wasnt only me who felt this way,there were others too who felt the way i did.I was not the only person who was hurt,someone who keeps Mr X closer to heart also felt it[ in a grave manner though] 

i never realised that living away from people can cause such serious damage to even life-long relationships.

I still dont know where this goes after this.How should i handle this.

Should i just let it be n wait for time to work its ointment on the wounds like the way i did last time???

Or should i go upto the person and ask for an explanation for whatever happened, which i fear to do the most;scared that something worst might be there which i would definitely not be able to handle

This too,shall pass.................

Let the time do its work,i lack the courage to face whats coming.

Very well said "coming events cast their shadow before"

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