Monday, November 30, 2009

Nothing New

Well well well!!

There is os much t owrite and i just dont know how to start. A lot is to be taken care of. Everyone is so concerned about me that it scares me at times. I hop ei'll get through the times as always.
What to say and what not to say. While travelling i met this old man recently. He was trying to start off a conversation and i found him a bit intimidating and irritating at the same time. And suddenly he asked if there was any job in my office which required paperwork. That one moment made me realise the impact of recession in no time. He was no less than 65 or 70. Living in my comfort zone, i never realised that things could be so bad. I always found those persons irritating who fight for a rupee or two. But now i know that even that one rupee comes to your pocket after working really hard. Every penny you earn counts.

Lesson learnt, i still m a spendthrift and m trying to control my habits. Hope God be kind upon me this time!!

My life at present

Finally i am here,

writing after almost four months. At one point of time i thought i would never be able to write again on my blog. But here i am, back from the ashes of time as they say. I am writing this post sitting in office. I mean this is unbelievable. At times i feel that all the money i pay to my internet connection provider is going as i hardly have any time. After 12 hours of office, you just don't feel like doing anything and in my case, i don't even watch TV.

Though i've been longing to read 'EMMA' by Jane Austen and even started it but somehow couldn't complete it.
Life is in a real mess at this point of time.
However, there are some things that are really good have happened to me.
Well m not gonna talk about it here( its a secret). Only people close to me would get to know it.

Friday, July 17, 2009

you don't miss me the way i do,
I know that and i am not blaming you.
Tears run high when i think of you,
can't help but will stop telling you.
Oh! i miss you and that's so true

Friday, June 26, 2009

This one is for my friends

You made me laugh,you made me cry,
with you time passed, as birds fly.
I'll miss you,i'll mis you all.
moments gone by,when i'll recall.

Change is the only constant.

Today i realized true meaning of nostalgia. Never before in my life have i felt like this. Today when i walked the road to my college seemed longer than usual. At one moment i thought that its not gonna end at all,or did i miss my college and left it behind!!!. Then i realised that i was walking alone,without my friends and then i became conscious of the fact that m never going to walk that road with them,not in near future atleast. Not by any means i'l be sitting with thwm at the stantard pastry shop, talking the same stuf or bitching about the people irrespective of the fact that we'll be making a lot more money than we can now think of. Not again will we haggle with each other over the bill, or what reataurant we should go because we will be able to afford any restaurant.
We'll have many vacations in our lives,not one like we had together in goa. Dont know when will i see jaya doing her trademark,"b'day present"thingi again,meghna talking at the top of her voice and confusing strawberry with vanilla.
It feels like they are taking a part of me away from me and nothing will ever fill that vaccum.
But thats how the life is and as i believe Change is the only constant.

Thursday, June 25, 2009


Wherever you go,wherever you are,
there is someone waiting for your call.
Mornings or evenings,day or night,
your soothing voice takes away my disquiet.
The only way i can show i care,
is to call you up and ask,"how are you dear!!!"

Saturday, May 30, 2009

why is it happening to me???

I wanted to write something but m just not getting enough material in my head. Not that m ill informed about the subject or i dont have proper understanding of the problem m trying to write about. It's just that m not being able to put my thoughs into well arranged sentences in a readable manner. May be m just out of practice as i haven't been writing for long. I wasn't too occupied with things and i always had enough time to write something, but everytime i thought of writing something i would feel too lazy to type. In case i was sucessfully able to pursue myself to the computer,i would be short of topics. I just started reading again as thats what i have to do for coming few years. Reading books is actually very very refreshing. You get to know about someone else's point of view on something or the other, assessment of a problem which you might had been longing to know and a lot more.

I just finished reading "My bleeding Punjab" by Khushwant Singh. The book is more of a historical account of whatever happened in punjab in late 70s which further intensified the problem, how govt. mishandled whole situation. The best thing about the book is that its very impartial in its treatment. One would expect that being a Sikh, Khushwant Singh would have a partisan attitude towards the problem which is so not the case.

If someone really wants to know what happened during the Operation Blue Star,the book is a good reference..........

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Its nothing

here is another piece which i wrote, people may find it saddening but i like it.

As the days pass by,as the sun goes down.

When you feel dejected, and nobody is around.

You feel like dying, beyond the pain.

But soon you realise,there ain't no gain.

Thats it, i couldnt find anything more to write with this.

Thank you and Have a good life.

Friday, February 27, 2009

M just wondering how to start this post. I just want to write something desperately.

I've ben watching a lot of movies lately n i just wonder what makes Slumdog millionaire so special!!

I watched ther movie n its an averasge movie,made in typical bollywood style.There has been much better movies made by indian directors better than Slumdog,but they never got any oscar nominations either. Not that we need an award to prove that we make good movies. And not only the Oscar jury has gone mad, we Indians just cant get over with our colonial past.Anil kapoor was so happy that Will Smith was polite with him n congratulated him. 

Frida pinto was going ga-ga over the fact that Angelina jolie walked upto her n appreciated her performance. Had Shabana Azmi have said the same to her,she would not give a shit to it......

But you see,it was Angelina :P, this too when the girl hardly has 8 to 10 shots(it might be less but definitely not more)

Moving ahead to music, Rehman's music is good but definitely not his best.But i guess its the first time they took notice of a Brown man's music

Congratulations Rehman.

Now m losing the track of whatever i want to say.....................

M feeling sleepy,good night

random thoughts

i've been missing for a long time ,but its just that i couldnt find anything to write about.

Not that i've found now but i wrote this little piece.I liked it,so m gonna put it here

Only if i could wish n get,

you had been around me.

only if i could wish n get,

you wouldnt have done what you did to me.

only if i could wish n get,

things would've remained good.

However i am afraid to say,

they were not destined to be so.

I really dont know how is it,so i would like to have comments from whosoever reads this.

Thank you n have a good life

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

eight random things about me

Meghna tagged me for this, n m really wondering what to write..................

lets see...................

1.I resemble a lot to my brother.

2.I am scared of open high places,that means i have Aeroacrophobia.

3. my room is messy n gets clean only a day before my sistes's arrival. I do that so that she wont scold me for the same.

4.I am a compulsive shopper. I always feared to accept this but then thats the truth.

5.My friends mean a lot me and i can do anthing possible to keep them with me. But they should also prove thier worth as and when required.

6.I can stitch,cook,can knit and can do embroidary. 

7.I am  a punctual person,mostly on time in my classes no matter how early i have to get up. But the class shoulod interest me too.

8.I am a patriot at heart. Not many people know about this aspect but i love my country more than myself.

people i wanna tag



Sunday, January 18, 2009

suggest me a title

well m in a good mood today n m gonna write something i strongly feel about.

To start with, i have very high regards for my teachers who are really good[ n i decide who is worth it n who ain't].My teachers hold a very special place in my lifesopan of 22 years. I still remember the name of my class teacher of first class  n i still long to meet her .

Such a special teacher she was to me,a mother figure at time at the time as mom was working back then n couldnt spend much time with me. Her home was in the school campus n i used to visit her many times. Her husband is an artist as well as a photographer  n i still remember a picture taken by him," a nude woman with lights falling on her". I saw it when i was a kid n thought to be vulgar but now i realise it was a beautiful picture[ ok, m a slow learner]

Anyways moving ahead n coming back to the topic,  i really believe that there should never be a friendship between a teacher and a student n the distance should always be maintained.

because when u become friends with your teacher, he/she becomes just another person for you n u start losing respect for the person. We anyways do that quite often nowadays as teachers ain't that good enough anymore, or its just our unwillingness to learn. According to me ,you can always learn something from a person,how so ever useless a person that might be. There is always something to learn.

And the main point due to which i am writing this post is for the reason that io dont like teachers bitching about other teacher to their students . I strongly condemn the habit and discourage it. It not only have preconcieved notions about the other person nevertheless you also fall in your student's eyes.

You no longer can think to teach your student when you start behaving in the manner you do.You lose the respect instantly[ whatever they might have for you]

I know its very human to talk your heart out or to bitch about others  however you can always do that to with your colleagues or people your age. Befriending your students is one thing( though i dont believe in it) n indulging in a behaviour just to fit in is altogether a different thing.

You should( if at all) befriend so that they can learn from you, your vast experiences, your life.

I guess some people do it because their peers have grown and they want to enjoy their teenage all their life.

I might soung here like a person straight out of a sixties movie but dont u think m talking sense here!!! If u think i cant,you can always leave your comments .............

You are all welcome.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Its personal

i've been thinking of writing this for over a month now,even before i started my blog. Initially i thought of writing a letter,then an e-mail but nothing actually took off but the thought kept on doing rounds of my mind because i was hurt. I was hurt deep down my heart by someone really really close to me. N when i say really close to me,its only few people who know whom i so close to.

For all one month,i kept on waiting for the process of heeling to start but never saw it coming. For the second time in my life i was so intensely hurt that i cuold feel the pain for this long. Both times,by the same person.

However at the time of first incident,i was not mature enough to understand the impact on my life. Three four years down the line,whenever i think of it, i can still feel the scars it left on me.

let bygones be bygones. Live in present.

Today i'll talk only about the latest incident. And as i dont wanna disclose the identity of the person in question,lets keep the name Mr. X.

I dont get to spend much time with mr X nowadays as he doesnt lives in the city anymore. Shifted to another city for job n all,the same old story. Recently Mr X was in town n i happened to get some time to spend with him.It was a brief visitn purpose of the visit was not to meet me but to attend a function.Three days arent much but not that less if you happen to live in the same home[atleast for me its home,dont know abt him anymore]. He was behaving strange,wierd,rude and to be precise mean.

But this behaviour was highly restricted to family or may be just my perception,i dont know.

I felt angry for caring towards him so much, i felt angry that i kept all my time free so that i can spend time with withoght thinking that he might not have time for me.[ N please i dont wanna hear the lectures on " he was busy"] 

I have been observing the aloofness for a long time but this was my first hand experience of the same. N let me tell you,it wasnt only me who felt this way,there were others too who felt the way i did.I was not the only person who was hurt,someone who keeps Mr X closer to heart also felt it[ in a grave manner though] 

i never realised that living away from people can cause such serious damage to even life-long relationships.

I still dont know where this goes after this.How should i handle this.

Should i just let it be n wait for time to work its ointment on the wounds like the way i did last time???

Or should i go upto the person and ask for an explanation for whatever happened, which i fear to do the most;scared that something worst might be there which i would definitely not be able to handle

This too,shall pass.................

Let the time do its work,i lack the courage to face whats coming.

Very well said "coming events cast their shadow before"

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Today m gonna talk about relationships and happiness.
To start with,i've had quite a few relationships both good n bad.
Every relationship was an experience in itself,with its positives and negatives.
but one thing was constant in all of them, when you give too much to the relationship, it starts falling apart. One should always be careful when n how much to invest in the relationship in terms of time, emotions n whatever it demands.........................
My present relationship is the longest i've ever had and frankly speaking i have least contribution in making the relationship work. I always ensure that my contribution remains minimum so that i wont face any problem if i ever have to move on due to any circumstances.
you grow with every relationship. More you have them, more you realize that there is nothing like love in them. We al are selfish n mean creatures at heart n no matter what we say, its our happiness which we keep at top priority when it comes to a 'Romantic relationship'( the initial phase of an affair doesnt count as the feeling of being in love is too overpowering to understand anything)
People who've had only one relationship might not identify or agree with whatever m saying but those who've been in n out of relationships would perfectly understand what m talking about[ atleast i think so]
Love is still thought as a pure n divine emotion bestowed on humans by god [ bulshit]
Why do we hesitate to accept the fact that its the search of happiness which leads us to fall in love n then comes the realisation that love as well is a fools paradise.
Why are we so shallow that we seek our happiness in someone else!!!
why do we always fail to realise that if its not inside,its not there!!!
Love is nothing but a mere tactic to give human lust a dignified place in our society as well as our day to day lives.
The reason being; Society treats our basic physical need as a sin.............
So you have the concept of love and relationships..........
Through my experiences, i've realised that its infatuation that we most of the times mistake for love!!! If there is anything called love,m sure that its never at first sight which people claim to fall in.
Its the care n affection which comes through prolonged togetherness.
I've seen my mom n dad grow more fond of each other over the period of time.
They need not to say they are in love.
They care for each other n thats reflected through their actions.
N they care not because they love each other, but because they feel happy when they are together, they enjoy each other's company.
so ultimately, it boils down to happiness!!! so where does love figure out there???
See i told you, there's nothing called 'Love'(Kidding)
According to me,people should stop seeking love n start seeking happiness.
Its good for health and keeps you at peace with your innerself .
As far as i am concerned,i'll never fall in love with anyone.
Do whatever keeps you happy n give a F*** to what people think n say